Lost Hope
by Kuroda Miharu
Summary: A ninja has lost hope. KakaIru. Contains mentions of death.


**Lost Hope**

He sighed and picked up his mission report and headed to the mission office to give it in. He walked slowly through the village towards the office occasionally nodding in recognition to his fellow shinobi.

At the office he handed over his report of the A-Rank mission that he had been assigned a week before because he had asked the Hokage for one after being locked up in his home for just under a week.

The Chuunin on the desk smiled at him and thanked him for the report before he walked out again.

He got to his apartment and slowly removed his ninja attire and changed into some lounge pants while his hitai-ate rested where it was dropped on the floor next to the kitchen table.

His elbows were resting on the table top in the kitchen as the tea in his hands grew cold with hardly a sip taken but he could not find the energy put it down never mind to poor it away.

His eyes were glossed over and his face glistened in the setting sun light that penetrated his window from the tears that had recently fallen from his bloodshot cinnamon eyes.

After 10 hours of sitting, crying, taking a sip of cold tea, crying and thinking his body was telling him that he needed something to eat and to sleep. The latter was much more enticing to the nin and so for the fifth time that week skipped eating dinner and slowly dragged himself towards his bedroom, his heavy feet dragging along the carpet.

He sat on the edge of his bed starring at the blank wall opposite, his mind thinking of tings outside of the four walls. He sat there, like many nights before, for a good half hour without so much as moving, just like in the kitchen.

Slowly he leaned back onto the mattress and moved the sheets from where it had been left that morning to cover his body. He shivered as the chilled material came into contact with his skin. His brown hair splayed out on the pillow behind his head.

He curled up into a ball, trying to keep his body heat, preventing his arms from stretching out to the other side of the bed that lay cold and empty. That thought alone sent another dozen or so tears careering down his face and over the scar he had had since birth.

He rocked himself to seep that night because that was the only way he knew how, and how he had after the nine-tailed fox attacked his home. The pain in his heart was unbearable during the day but he put a smile on his face, however at night it was more so and while there was no one here to see it he didn't need his mask.

As the tears started to dry up he thought of his students. What would they think if they saw their sensei like this? He was meant to be the strong one that would help them and train them to be better shinobi.

What would his lover think if he was seen like this? He had never let his lover see this broken side to himself because they too had a side ripped to shreds so he had to stay strong for them.

His thoughts landed on is lovers face, his beautiful miss-matched eyes and soft silver hair, all his. He sobbed. He had never gotten round to giving them that ring that sat in its little black box. He had not been home when he had left for a mission so did not get to say goodbye.

He rocked himself faster as the vision of that slip of paper flooded his mind, covering up his lovers face. That piece of paper that was sealed from the Hokage and started with those terrifying words, 'We are sorry to inform you…'

The ANBU watching the other ninja shook his head, the sorrow hidden behind his porcelain mask. He too felt the pain of loosing this one ninja, as did the rest of the village. He looked over the ninja again, he knew that the other would not sleep tonight and that tomorrow he would walk out of that apartment with more broken pieces of his heart but with a smile on his face.

The Hokage would want to know about this again the ANBU knew but there was little they could do. The ninja he was watching had lost hope the day that he didn't say goodbye to his lover and he broke when he was given the tags.

_AN: this is my first Naruto fic so I have introduced my favourite paring, thanks violaqu33n for the help, please review, K.M._


End file.
